Winning in Las Vegas
Only in Vegas
The bright lights, A-list performers, Michelin Star restaurants, wow Las Vegas is a lot to take in. Go for a romantic gondola ride down the Grand Canal in the Venetian, check out the viewing deck 46 stories up in the Eiffel Tower at Paris Las Vegas, listen to live music on the Brooklyn Bridge at New York New York. It’s the only place on Earth where you visit the entire world walking down a single street. Vegas is where you’ll see people at all hours with supersized boozy slurpees several feet long. It’s also where hucksters hand out cards for “escorts” to husbands in front of their wives. I don’t think there’s any place quite like it.
The Lights Are Much Brighter
A 10 minute cab ride from the Strip, the Neon Museum is a walk down Vegas’ memory lane. Not all of the signs are in working order but it doesn’t matter. The signs range from the 1940s through early 2000s, covering Vegas’ pivotal years, recalling the Rat Pack or movies like Casino. Of particular significance — Aladdin’s lamp from the original Aladdin Casino, the Golden Nugget sign, and the the Hard Rock guitar which cost $350k to restore. Through April, there’s a Tim Burton exhibit which incorporates pieces complete with aliens, a weird indoor exhibit with a small light show, and obscure references to his films.
Absinthe
When you’re in Vegas, it should be a crime not to see a live show. There are so many wonderful and unique choices and yet somehow we landed on Absinthe. Their website describes the show as “Cirque du Soleil as channeled through The Rocky Horror Picture Show.” What we actually got were super talented performers completing gorgeous and graceful acts of physical strength mixed with unfunny, vile, and mean spirited…. humor? The funny thing about humor is that it’s funny. Believe me, I’m not offended by swearing, but I am offended by underdeveloped and gratuitous failed attempts at comedy. I think next time I’ll stick with the Beatles Love.
Irasshaimase!
Our hotel of choice is the Nobu Hotel located in Caesar’s Palace. It’s fancy AF and the fact that you can order room service from Nobu 24/7 and eat it in bed makes for bragging rights. I’m on a mission to go to every Nobu location around the world. So far I’ve been to 4 out of 48, so this will be a very time consuming and expensive endeavor. I always go with the omakase which translates to “I’ll leave it up to you.” This is how you get the best stuff as long as you’re cool with eating the weirds, like sea urchin, salmon roe, and monkfish liver. Danny’s fave is the life changing miso cod. It’s so good that I found the recipe online and have made it many times.
Zak Bagans’ Haunted Museum
If this museum turned out to be half as scary as the waiver you have to sign, then we were really in for it. With warnings of health risks, emotional distress, and death, we literally signed away all legal rights should anything weird/cray happen while on this property. Zak Bagans of Travel Channel’s Ghost Adventures acquired the historic and (supposedly) haunted Wengert House for his bizarre collection. And it’s massive — Macabre items like creepy clowns, haunted dolls, numerous human skeletons, items formerly owned by notorious psychos like Manson or Anton LaVey. At one point during the tour, a guide proclaimed, “If you love serial killers, check out this room!” (Wtf, who loves serial killers?) I felt unsettled from the get go, but it started to go downhill for me with Bela Lugosi’s cursed mirror which he used to connect with the spirit world. The tour guide offered the opportunity to glance in said mirror but warned that in doing so many have become physically ill or emotionally damaged. I didn’t particularly want to do this but I also didn’t want to be the only one in our small group to chicken out. In the scratched and cloudy mirror, I looked like one of my own ancestors. I hate to admit that this kind of psychological warfare got to me, but it did. I was freaked. By the time we got to the room which houses Dr. Kevorkian’s VW van, I was feeling lightheaded. This was his own personal killing machine in which he assisted over 100 individuals to commit suicide. To enhance the mood, the museum has an audio track of the music that patients listened to as they drifted off to the other side. It was in this very moment that Danny felt a searing hot pain in his teeth that was so intense, he interrupted the tour so that we could be escorted out. When we got to the parking lot, the pain persisted. I started looking up emergency dental clinics on my phone. About 20 minutes later, the pain went away and has not returned. We missed out on the infamous Dybbuk box and Peggy the possessed doll, but maybe that’s a good thing.
Raise Your Glasses High
As a last stop, we decided on happy hour at Vanderpump Cocktail Garden in Caesar’s. Ok, I decided. If you’re a fan of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills or Vanderpump Rules, you get it. The restaurant is elegant and mostly free of thirsty fame-whores who crowd her LA establishments. And, I finally got to try to the famous goat cheese balls, which at $16 for 5, they’re over $3 a pop. (Lisa Vanderpump, if you’re reading this, I need this recipe.)
What Happens In Vegas
The most amazing thing about this adventure is that we didn’t lose one single dollar gambling. If you can walk out of a Las Vegas casino with all your money, then you’re the real winner.
